Some of you may remember that last year I was dealing with a lot of depression an anxiety, and spent a good amount of time going through therapy sessions to try and deal with my mental health issues. I learned a lot about myself last year, and was glad to have the opportunity to go through therapy. I learned a lot about myself and was hoping to continue learning this year. Unfortunately, in January of this year, my therapist quit the practice and I decided that I didn’t want to continue going to that practice anymore because of the rapport I had with my therapist. Instead, I have been using meditation and other tools to continue learning about my brain and trying to learn to love myself.

I’ve been listening to motivational podcasts in the morning and while I’m at my barn job, and some thoughts have occurred to me that I wanted to take a moment to share here.

I have made a lot of mistakes making this comic. If I had this all to do again I would do so many things differently. I would start the comic in a different way, I would redo so many scenes, and correct so many missteps that I’ve made. But the biggest thing that I would redo if I could is the amount of pressure I put on myself. I have had a dream since I began this comic that one day it would become my primary source of income and I would be able to just do comics all day and tell the stories that I want to tell. I love telling stories, and I love creating comics.

But now I realize that I put undue pressure on myself from the beginning of this comic over eight years ago. And, to be honest, Adrastus was not then, nor is it now, good enough to be the financial success that I wished it could be. When I started this comic it was the first long-form and long-term comic project that I’d ever done, and I didn’t know enough about telling stories in this medium to make a great comic. I have learned so much over these past years and I hope that I’ve become a better comic creator in that time, but I know I still have a lot to learn over the course of my lifetime as an artist. I hope that I will never be done learning about storytelling and art, and how to marry those two things together into visual storytelling.

Despite how this post may sound, I do not regret my time working on Adrastus- again, because I have made so much progress on my learning journey. But I think I put too much pressure on myself and on this comic to PERFORM the way I wished it would, and I do regret the time that I wasted making myself feel bad when financial success didn’t come. I could have been spending the time that I wasted chasing financial success on improving my craft and trying to put the absolutely best possible product forward without worrying about making money off of it one day.

I started this comic because I love the story and the characters, and at the time I began it there were really no stories with giant robots that had a female character as the main protagonist. Adrastus is still a story I believe in telling, filled with characters I love spending time with. But I’ve put pressure on this project to do something it’s just not good enough to do, and I’m taking that pressure off as of right now. This does not mean that I’m giving up on this story. It just means that I’m going to restructure my long-term goals.

I have more to say but honestly my anxiety is starting to tell me not to post this blog so it’s time to just hit Publish and not fret about this too much. If you have any questions or comments, please come to the Adrastus Facebook page and send me a message or comment on the post for today’s page. Or you can also find me on Twitter as well. Like I said, I am not giving up on this story. But I hope that admitting my short-comings and focusing on continuing to hone my storytelling skills will bring about a higher quality comic for my readers to enjoy in the future!